THOUGHTS AND CONCERNS – FRIDAY 2 am

IMAG1431
Don’t think I sleep late. No i sleep early daily. I’m awake today at 2.30 am to be precise because i slept at around 7.30 pm in the evening and got up at 10 pm. I was watching Kangana Ranaut’s interviews on youtube. She is so cool, insanely honest and frank about everything. I want to be that sort of carefree character who doesn’t give a damn about what the world thinks. I believe in life there is nothing right or wrong, just perceptions. Life is all about experiencing how you want it to be. Everybody is writing a story, some compromise and some don’t. I had compromised so many things and was in a cocoon a year back but after experiences and knocks to my brain now everything is clear. I now see the world in a completely different way!!.
I don’t know where i lately get all these energy and audacity from but that’s what experience does to you. You transform with each passing day believing you are better than your previous self. Some who are innocent become ……. and some who are frank, open minded turn out to be ……… that’s what experience does to everyone. I want to break free and just travel miles and miles looking out for new experiences. It’s not clear where i want myself to end up but i would like to experiment with myself because i don’t know what i may like and what i may not which i will only know by stepping in. After all we are all writing a story right?? . For now i have only one principle that is to be honest to myself and to trust my instincts.
I have realized some things about myself lately. I’m an introvert. I don’t get along with new people easily which i don’t feel ashamed or bad about it. That’s who i am but iam working myself to be easy going at least on a public platform where my opinions count. Frankly speaking i love spending lonely time with myself, just me and my thoughts. It gives me a sense of peacefulness because most of my day at office will be with lots of people around, always interacting and coordinating. It’s when you are alone you try to know who you are deep inside. I really don’t have any big dreams or a destination which i want to achieve. I just feel at the end of the day its not the destination which counts but the path that really matters.
The night is so silent. Far away a dog barks and i wonder why dogs bark so much at night is that because they see ghosts, ha I don’t know. I remember once i got chased by a dog when i was young because i focussed a laser into its eyes. This makes me smile. I was very naughty when i was young and am really proud about that. I did not write lately because, well i don’t have an actual reason for that but i feel what i write should be important and meaningful to me. Okay i will end this and better go to sleep.

Until Next One,
Live Life !!

Auto, Bus and the Night.

Life

I had booked Volvo to move on Friday evening for Dussera holidays (3 days). As always, was excited to go home. I came to office on Friday, smiling, waiting for hours to pass. All looked happy in office or maybe it was a reflection of my inner self; it was a busy week after all. The office was decorated with jasmine, sunflowers etc on the eve of Ayudha pooja. The aroma was exquisite. The lighted lamps ensured the required cultural look. We had ayudha pooja and were given sweets and fruits. I left office around 6.15 pm and reached room around 7 pm. My bus was at 9.45 pm and it was an hour drive from my room to bus stand. So i had lot of time left. I sat on my bed eating fruits and sweets. After that i lay on my bed, not to sleep but to relax, but the day had different plans. It was 9.40 pm when i opened my eyes, I yelled “oh god” and felt like slapping myself for my idiocy. I was dumbstruck, later relaxed for 2 mins. There was no buses still morning as all the buses were booked and i would waste 1 full day for my idiocy. My cell read the message from KSRTC (Bus service), there was a cell number of conductor. I called him immediately.

Me: Sir my PNR No is —-. I’m caught in traffic at Ramapuram i can’t make it to the bus stand in time. Please can you say from which route the bus will travel so that i can catch the bus in the middle.

Conductor: Sir the driver is new he just knows the route but he doesn’t know which place would be near to ramapuram. I will check with someone and call you. The bus will leave at 9.55 pm see if you can make it.

Me: No sir i can’t. Please check the route and confirm so that i can catch the bus from middle.

Conductor: “ok sir”.

I ran towards bathroom washed my face, hand combed my hairs and put on my clothes in 5 mins and left the room. An auto stood idle just close to my room. I spoke with my broken Tamil (local language). The drunken auto driver demanded a huge amount. I was not in a position to bargain so i agreed and strongly demanded that he has to ride fast. As the auto rushed towards the main road i called the conductor.

Me: Sir where should i come??

Conductor: Sir there is a flyover about 10 Kms from ramapuram. The bus will be there by another 15 mins. Please come there.

I gave the phone to auto driver to confirm the address with conductor so that he can drop me at the exact location without any ambiguity. The auto driver took shortcuts and rushed. He said me the auto did not have brakes with a laugh (showing all his teeth). I was shocked, without brakes this drunken auto driver rode his auto like Ferrari, at one point he almost crashed a woman walking on the side of the road and suddenly deviated the auto. He was scolded by all the travellers for his rash driving but he didn’t care. I said him to be careful. The auto jumped over the humps and raced. The auto driver seemed to enjoy his night ride; he kept on laughing and saying the auto has no brakes. I was scared to hell as what may come. I thought i will meet with an accident or if iam lucky enough will catch the bus safely.

Meanwhile i got a call from conductor “Sir we have reached and are waiting for you from 5 mins, where are you? All the passengers are complaining”

Me: “Sir i will reach there in another 3 mins, almost there. Please wait.”

The auto driver said he didn’t know where the bus would stop exactly and he has to ask the local people who are there for the exact route. I was breathing heavily and thought i will miss the bus for sure. I was angry on myself. 3 mins passed the auto passed through the narrow shortcut roads of Chennai (God knows where i was travelling; all i could do was trust this auto driver and motivate him to ride faster). *Phone rings*

Conductor: “Sir we have waited for 10 mins, all passengers are furious and angry. Where are you exactly?? “

Me: “Iam getting down from the fly over bridge (I lie). Sir I’m really sorry for the delay, please wait for some more minutes.”

Conductor: “Sir we will wait for another 5 more minutes, if you don’t arrive we will leave”.

The auto driver said we are near the flyover and he has to confirm where the bus would actually pass through. He asked a person and the person said he has no idea”. I grew anxious. I asked another person, He confirmed us that we had to climb this bridge and get to the other side and it was nearly a 1 km from here. I said the auto driver to rush. It was already 5 mins and my phone rang.

Conductor: “Sir, sorry we are leaving its too late.”(*I could hear the engine start*)

Me: “Sir i am just 2 mins away, I can see the bus from top of the bridge (I lie). If i don’t reach there in another 3 mins you can leave. I have exams tomorrow (I lie), please help me.”

Conductor: “Okay sir you have another 3 mins, the engine will be on. Make it fast.”

Meanwhile the auto raced like a Ferrari and almost covered 600 to 700 mtrs. Auto driver confirmed we will be there in a minute. I gathered the money to pay to the auto driver. The auto finally reached the spot and i could see the conductor looking at the road, anticipating me at any moment.  The auto stopped and the bus was on the other side of the road so i had to cross the 4 lane Highway. I payed the auto driver and said him thank you many times. He was happy as though he landed on the moon. He was surely a hero for me today. I waved at the conductor and he signalled to rush. It took me another 3 mins to cross the highway as it was packed with fast moving vehicles. The conductor at the entrance advised me to apologize to the passengers for the delay. I got into the bus and said out loud “Sorry people i couldn’t make it up in time. Big thanks for your patience. It was really important for me. Sorry again and thank you”. Some old man yelled back “its okay, it happens”.  The crowd gave *It’s okay* kind of expression. Finally i sat on my seat sighing loud and closed my eyes for 2 mins. The girl next to me asked “why were you late?”. I said the truth. She smiled and said “OMG this is one hell of a night for you then!!”

Me: “Yes this is one hell of a night” *Smiling*. Yes that was one hell of a night.

It’s been a while since i have even thought of writing. Lot of introspection done, questions asked (To myself) and answered. Away from all social networking sites and only thinking about myself to find answers about my life. Finally i now know what i want, what keeps me happy and am working on it.

 

Until Next one,

Be thankful, Keep smiling.  

HECTIC DAY AND AFTER THOUGHTS

It was a hectic day at office. I had worked 8 hrs at a stretch preparing slides for the meeting. You can never satisfy your boss completely, can you? After reviewing and modifying the slides n number of times, he gave his acceptance and began to study the slides for the final time. I was frustrated, tired and mentally trafficked. All my mind craved was for some peace and idle time to recover. I took a deep breath as always and looked around. It was a busy week for everyone, all had the same face as me (tired and frustrated). So looking around for people was not distracting, so i changed my focus on things. Among all the things there was this magical note pinned to the side board of one of the cubicle.

“What did you lose that you weep? What did you bring with you, which you think you have lost? What did you create, which you think got destroyed? Whatever you have, you received from here. Whatever you have given, you have given only here. You came empty handed, you will leave empty handed. What is yours today belonged to someone else yesterday and will belong to someone else tomorrow. You are mistakenly enjoying the thought that this is yours. It is this false happiness that is the cause of your sorrows. Source- Bhagavad githa”.

After reading this, I was in a dilemma. This is one of the classic experiences in my life to realize the power of words. It can turn your world upside down. These words were magical and seemed to have exactly answered my situation. I began to question myself and analyse everything around me and went deep and buried in my thoughts for a while.

Aren’t we so riveted in work and financial matters, that we disregard ourselves and beauty around us. All we crave for is good perks and promotions. Our life ends before we know it. We end our life saving money, buying property, cars and what not. We want to have all the luxuries available in this planet. We don’t have ends on our dreams and desires. All we lack is mental peace. We are from nature, for nature and are nature. We are one of the species in this earth blessed by intelligence and imagination which is spoiling our life style to a great extent. We have turned this once called beautiful earth to a dungeon. We have created borders and invented nuclear bombs. If someone is really up there watching all this. He would be laughing his head off at all this drama we have created due to covetousness for luxury, prestige and others.

Most of us live here for society. It’s always like “what does he/she thinks if i do this and that?”. Not caring what others feel and deeming ourselves is the ultimate freedom one can have. Do what you love the most, that job which makes you tireless and bore less no matter how much time you spend on it. Unfortunately I’m yet to find mine. Be in the present, it is your cup of tea which you can have and enjoy. Don’t stick to the past or worry about future.

If we fast forward 100 yrs from now, only a handful will remember you existed and 200yrs from now your existence will be a myth, unless you achieve something really inspiring. So is it worth this entire struggle without doing something which really makes you happy from inside. It’s your story; make sure it is a classic one. Take risks, help others, merge with nature, laugh out loud, be kind and all the things which makes you beautiful from inside.

Until Next One,

Wishing you a happy September,

PRADEEP CN

ONE LAZY AFTERNOON

Enjoy

Every mom is the best cook a child is proud of. The food she prepares is not only scrumptious but also has love and tons of memories in it. One afternoon after a warm shower the food was served. I gobbled up everything and complemented my mom. She smiled and was satisfied. After a warm shower and a heavy meal, only thing that satisfies you is a long afternoon sleep. I lay dead on my bed and within seconds was carried far away.

A strong, chilled wind gushed through the window and woke me. I opened my eyes slowly. Everything of me felt delicate. My mind was completely blank. I just lay on the bed looking at the floor. The black ants worked in straight line carrying particles of sweet which i had dropped. There were two lines in opposite direction. Every ant touched the opposite ant passing. I wondered why? I shifted my position, the clock read 3.35 pm. So i had slept for 3 hours i realized. I looked out of the window, An eagle sailed with the wind far way. I was mesmerized and jealous of the unique gift it possessed. I tried to continue my sleep by closing my eyes but guess i had reached my saturation. Everything remained silent except for the leaking tap and the clock. I got up and sat on the bed. It seemed strange i was hungry and tired.

I washed my face and hand combed my hair. The tiredness seemed to have disappeared. I felt fresh, energetic and every worry seemed to have taken a long run away. My mind still remained blank and made me feel wonderful. I slowly walked down the staircase stretching my body. My mom was washing the utensils in the kitchen. She smiled on seeing me and i smiled back at her. I plugged in to hear some soothing music and wandered around. My mom served me boost. I walked into the backyard sipping it. The weather was cloudy and looked like it was 6pm though it was around 4. As i walked, squirrels ran to their trees. Strong winds continued to blow and i loved it. i walked to my neighbours backyard to see the ever grazing cow. I always loved cows for its eyes and innocence. I scrubbed its forehead. It waved its tail appreciating my concern. After i was done i sat on the wall of the well and observed. The water level remained the same always. Weather did not have an effect on the same. Small plants grew on the walls. Lots of fish and a tortoise sheltered in it. I saw my rippled reflection in the well.

I saw my cousin’s 2 year old son playing with his toys and he seemed very happy. He too was enjoying every bit of this lovely evening. I went to him and played childish games for a while with him remembering my childhood. I just absorbed everything around me. Everything seemed perfect this evening. I had a happy soul after a long time. My mom was collecting all the dried clothes and i joined to help her out. She asked me to pluck the flowers from the garden and i did the same. It started drizzling as i entered my house. I sat in the balcony ending my evening observing the rain and eating the hot pakodas which my mom offered.

City life offers all the luxuries for life but for inner happiness you got to be far away from all the huzzle-buzzle and drama at least once in a while. For me life is all about how many such peaceful and pleasant evenings i will have. Iam sure i will savour many such evenings.

I end this by saying it out loud “MOM – I LOVE YOU”.

Until next one.

Wishing you many such evenings,

PRADEEP CN

BLETHERING NIGHT WITH DEAD COUPLE

Dark room

“Ghosts”, the word itself has anonymity in it. I have always been a big aficionado of ghost stories. The terms soul, sixth sense, heaven, hell, subconscious are all attached and drives you far away from present to another world. Isn’t it bizarre when something which we haven’t seen or felt makes us petrified and engrossed when we heed or dream about it. When i was young i would watch many movies and TV series related to this part of the world. When we friends hung out in the nights our main topic of discussion was about spirits. I always craved to experience supernatural world. I had many questions, Do they really exist? Are these invisible creatures waiting for a chance to pounce on us? Do these creatures sit beside me when i am asleep? How do they look? Are there good ones among them?
One of my friend said he knew the procedure to invoke ghosts to converse with them. We were thrilled on hearing this and pleaded him to perform. So it was decided, tonight we would invite ghosts to have a chat with us in hostel. I was excited and anxious (These two emotions are rarely experienced jointly). We bought five candles, cardboard sheet and a one rupee coin. Every holy thing was removed from the room. It was 12 am, my friend started. He wrote alphabets from A to Z and 0 to 9 along the borders of the cardboard sheet. In the middle he drew a small circle to fit a rupee coin and bottom of it he wrote “YES / NO”. Four candles were lit on four sides of the sheet. The lights were turned off, windows wide open and the dark world awaited us to be explored. All five of us sat chaining each other’s hand to form a broken circle (The right hand of my friend who was performing wasn’t chained). Each of my friend candle lit face reflected anxiousness.
We were given strict commands “Please don’t unchain your hands until the act is complete. Concentrate and have a strong belief that what you are performing is true. Recite “O Holy Spirit please enter the coin” n number of times until at least one candle extinguishes. “. As we closed our eyes and began chanting, a dog howled and barked far away. The room remained silent except for the tick tock sound of the wall clock. The weather and the candle heat made us sweat. As we concentrated hard chanting, a strong wind blew inside and the window closed with a thud. A candle went off. My friend said us to open our eyes and place of our fingers on the coin. He asked “O holy spirit are you here?” The coin slowly pulled our fingers towards yes. We were scared and dumbstruck with eyes wide open. My heart beat at the pace of a squirrel’s. My friend enquired “Who are you?” The coin pulled our shivering hands among the alphabets “Iam Rachel from moodbidrai (A town near to Mangalore, Karnataka). 31 years old. Dead in a road accident 2 years before. My husband Jerald is also here”
My friend went on enquiring. The couple were travelling back after a function and were hit by a lorry. They have a six year old son named john who is presently cared by his grandmother. She said they miss him a lot and are v sad that they could not be with him. Both were doctors who worked in a government hospital in moodbidrai. She said her home address and where they were buried. i asked her “Where do you spirits stay, Are there good ones among you?”. She replied “we don’t have any shape or colour. We are just energy present everywhere. Just like people we have good and bad ones. Some are wicked, some kind, some crazy”. We finally got comfortable with them and this enquiry went on for about an hour. Finally we requested them to depart. We began reciting “O holy spirits please leave the room”. The spirits gushed away with the wind opening the window. We were speechless about the experience and slept peacefully.
On the weekends we five of us set out in search of the address in our bicycles. At the outskirts of moodbidrai lay a beautiful house behind a thick garden. A Doberman barked on seeing us. A child came out of the house and scrubbed the barking dog. We called the child and he ran towards us smiling. We asked “What’s your name in thulu (Regional language of south Karnataka)?”. The child replied “John. Who are you? Should i call granny, she is inside”. We said “No” and gave him a five star and departed. We also went to the cemetery where they were buried and placed few flowers on the coffin. So i had my experience and answers which i always craved for.

UNTIL NEXT ONE

Stay Awake-Stay Alert

PRADEEP CN

LITTLE THINGS FOR A BETTER INDIA

“Jana gana mana. . .” Our national song. It makes us patriotic and proud when we sing and hear it. It’s a pleasure to sing, standing straight and rigid with eyes set straight showing at most respect from your soul. Every line of it has its own connotation and tenor thus making all of us united in spite of divergence in terms of language, region, caste, creed, colour, status and what not. Every child is made to sing our national anthem daily but very few schools teaches what it means. Schools must teach what every line means so that every child enjoys the exquisiteness of it. It’s sad that majority of colleges don’t have the practice of singing our national anthem except in some gathering. Wouldn’t it be good if colleges inculcated the same custom which we had in our schools? Are our schedules so busy that we don’t have 5 to 10 mins time to sing our national anthem?  I don’t think so. Government should make it mandatory for every institution and organisation in India to sing it with at most respect. It’s just not about singing, what it actually does is, it creates an awareness that am an Indian for every 5 min in a day which will do a hell lot of good to our nation.

The word tax makes us gauche. We feel we are losing a part of our hard earned income. All yearn for benefits from government but no one wants to pay back. I think the main reason for the same is our corrupt government. People feel whatever we pay does no wonders but finds the pockets of these corrupt politicians. Everywhere you see roads damaged within half of its expected life, Government hospital without proper medications, government colleges bribing seats neglecting the eligible. The term government servant is no more the same. The way they treat you in all government offices makes you hate government and makes you forget government is “For the people, By the people, Of the people”. I think to eradicate this people should know and feel proud about where there money is used. Government should give the tax payer details where his money is invested or used and he should be able to monitor whether the money he pays is used as it was justified. If this system is incorporated am sure most people will be happy and proud to pay their taxes regularly.

I think it’s every Indian’s duty to do a part to his society no matter how small his service may be. Every parent must imbibe patriotism in his child. Teach him how cultured and rich our India was. Let him know and feel the struggles of our freedom fighters. Let him know the works of genius minds like Vishweshwarya, Raman, JC Bose etc. This country has everything essential to become the most influential country in this world but requires right set of people to change the system and modest effort from every citizen for a better INDIA.  Let’s act and hope for the same.

 

Until next one

Think over it

PRADEEP CN

A LOVE STORY I GUESS – 1

It was 10 years back, when i was in 7th standard and was studying in Pune at Oxford(ya i mean the school name). I was very naughty and arrogant back then. I was so naughty and talkative in class that my remarks column would be filled every month and i had to buy a new diary. So to end this up my class teacher Lucy made me sit in between a bunch of girls, far away from my gang. I missed the gang and all the fun. To the right of me sat a girl named Meghana. She was one of the toppers and to my left sat a dark girl named Brindha. Both were studious and were sincere in completing home works, scoring marks and always set an example how a student should be (exactly opposite to who i was). So first few days i was bored as they did not care my existence and i always wanted someone to blabber about. It was in the weekend supw (socially useful productive work) classes we actually started conversing as they were my partners in the activities. Topics of discussion ranged from Popeye show (My favourite) cartoon to ghost stories. As days rolled they became a little wayward and i became a little papa kind of guy (Effects of good and bad company). We shared our lunch, played hide and seek, walked back from school together and so we were best friends now. I became a decent guy eventually and my marks improved. Lucy mam was full of pride for the decision she took on me.

Everything was going well until one day after lunch break i was going back to sit in my place. I saw meghana writing my name on a piece of paper and i stood just two rows behind her without her notice and observed what she wrote. It shocked me seeing what she wrote. She wrote my name and hers with a heart symbol between. On seeing that my heart pumped fast with anger and i started sweating. I had never imagined anything of such kind from her. She was my best buddy but how could she think in that way. Frankly i didn’t know what love was at that age. I went and snatched the paper from her hand with anger and asked her what this is? and said her “i will not speak to you forever from now on. I thought you are my best friend and you thought about me in this manner. It’s disgusting”. She immediately started laughing and said it was not me but her relative whose name is same as mine and she called Brindha and said me to confirm with her. Brindha nodded laughing saying that it is her relative and she loves him from a year. The anger in me disappeared instantly and i asked her faking angrily “why didn’t you say me earlier ha”. She said she would have said me eventually. So we were back normal. I advised her many times not to love anyone and this is not the age. But she stopped me saying she knows everything and loves him truly and always will. So we had a lover girl between us. Me and Brindha would always tease her with him and see her blush. We had an awesome year and finally final exams arrived and after the last exam i said them that my parents are joining me to a boarding school in Mumbai and i will be leaving Pune in 5 days. Tears rolled over their cheeks as they heard me say this and they started “Please don’t go, please don’t go”. I consoled them saying “even i feel very sad to leave you guys but at some point of time this is bound to happen so we have to move on”. Still they kept forcing me not to go; it took me half a day to cheer them up. So we decided on a final meet up day after.

We met, roamed around and cherished all the memories we had in that year and the day went in a flash. Finally it was time to say goodbye for all the fun and them. They started weeping again and said they will miss me. I too wept for a second or two and said we will catch-up someday. I wished meghana and said her you will get your boy and call me for your marriage and she replied “I don’t think so”. I just said “you will”. Finally they gave me a gift and we parted off. After i went home thinking about them i opened the gift to find a cute Popeye toy and a letter. I began reading it and was shocked. It read as below.

“Dear Ayush,
You are parting away from me so here is a thing i always wanted to confess about. I don’t have a relative named Ayush. It was you whom i have always loved from 10 months and may be always will. All blushes you said i get were for you. My day has always started and ended thinking about you. I hated Sundays as i could not see you. I frankly don’t know when and how it all started. All i remember you making me happy and i fell for you without a reason. I thought you will be with me till high school and i will confess. Here you are, moving out of all the dreams i built. I don’t blame you in any way. You are my best buddy and will always be.

That day when i was writing your name on a piece of paper, we had actually planned on purpose to see what your reaction will be if you know that i have feelings for you. I had never seen such a anger in your face before. That day i realized you can only be my friend not mine. Iam really sorry if i have hurted you but i think i will always regret if i don’t confess you at least in a letter. Please don’t hate me for this. All i know it is just not attraction but more than that and Ayush age has nothing to do with love. So here i end finally saying it out loud “I LOVE YOU AYUSH”.

May you always get what you wish and let your life be filled with happiness. Miss you to the core. Take care.

Your best friend,

Meghana “.

So finally my first short story. Hope u liked reading it.

May be contd……….

Until my next one,

Take care

PRADEEP CN